Sonder

“You are not alone” is a phrase often used to comfort, to support a loved one or a friend; but at times, the phrase can be employed to sternly remind one to be mindful of others, not to be selfish, and to be thoughtful. We are not alone, nearly all Americans are within drivable distance of another person, and most are within walking distance. But, although it is generally understood we are not physically or even emotionally alone, people often forget just how deep another’s life is. All the complexities and intricate histories of one’s own life, the literal years of memories and hopes, the tiny moments that permeate in one’s personality, all the everything makes it hard to have perspective. It can be extremely difficult to truly wrap one’s mind around the fact that not just your closest friends and family, but everyone, has the same deepness in their own lives.

The recently coined term “Sonder” captures the truth of this idea perfectly. The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including every passer by, has a life as complex as one’s own, which they are constantly living despite one’s personal lack of awareness of it. It’s astonishing to think about, every single person you have ever seen has a family, likely a mother and/or a father, siblings and friends, they’ve had crushes and lovers, wives and husbands, children. Each cashier, waiter, construction worker, accountant, manager, cook, custodian, receptionist, all the people you’ve met have had lives as intricate as yours. It’s truly breathtaking. But the realization is a depressing one as well. The fact is, everybody has a life as complex as yours, but so too did everyone that has now passed. Every man, woman, teenager, and child were truly and fully alive, a boy who died in a car crash likely spent his final moments confused and scared. He too had crushes and friends, he too loved the taste of chocolate and the joy of playing during recess, and he too could have grown up to fall in love, make friends, better the lives of others. The tragedy of needless and preventable death is only compounded by this jarring realization.

In the US more than 46,000 people die in car crashes every year, of which most are preventable and unnecessary. Each one of those people was a son or daughter, each had their own friends and funny little habits. It could have been your mother or brother, that one friend you’ve known for years, the kid that sits across from you in class or that person you’ve made quick eye contact with while walking by. It could have been you. 46,000 is such a massive number it’s difficult to truly envision. It’s just about the average US population of a large city. Think about that for a bit, an entire city full of people, gone. All unnecessary deaths.

If driving safely has even the slightest chance of preventing one of those unnecessary deaths I beg you, I implore you, please, drive safely. And it’s not really a question whether or not safe driving saves lives, we know it does, it’s been proven time and time again, so why risk it? Sure most people speed at least a few times a year, one might be late to work or a party, tardy to school or missing an important event in their life; but each time you add that extra bit of pressure on the gas consider whether it is worth the possible death of another. What would you tell the court? What would you tell your family? What would you tell theirs? How would you live with yourself if a child could never walk again thanks to your actions and decisions? It’s not a comfortable thought but how would you feel knowing you directly caused the death of another? The death of a child or father? Most of the time the speeding isn’t worth it, those extra 10 minutes you’ll save aren’t worth a life or limb, being on time for class won’t relive a family’s mourning of a loved one.

Cars can make it difficult to connect, they cultivate a facade of anonymity, a metal thing that rides next to you on the roads, it’s easy to differentiate the ideas of person and car from one another; cars are not people. This makes dangerous reckless driving much easier, but I can promise you, once you hit someone, once you change someone’s life forever you will see the person in that car. So see the person before you hurt them, see that big lifeless metal thing for what it really is: a mother on her way home from work, a father and daughter on their way to watch a movie, two lovers coming home. It is not worth it, be late, explain yourself, miss a bit of that thing you wanted to do, or reschedule, you’ll be okay. “It’s okay, I’m a good driver. I wouldn’t hit anyone. I’m not that high. I’m not that drunk.” Most people that crash don’t expect to, most people that crash trusted themselves and knew they wouldn’t do the exact thing that happened. You could crash, you could traumatize someone, you could hurt someone, really bad, or you could kill someone. It’s not worth it. SO if you’re on the road, speeding or about to, consider, what if it was your sister? Brother? Father? Mother? Son? Daughter? Best Friend? You?

I beg you, be safe.