Don’t Hand Your Parents the Task of Grieving You

In 2019 alone there were 2,400 teenagers killed in motor vehicle accidents.On September 1, 2019 my cousin was added to that long list of names. To anyone else she is just one out of thousands but to me she was so much more. Losing my cousin, best friend, role model, and older sister only two days before I started high school changed my life in so many ways. Growing up she was all I wanted to be, smart, talented and beautiful. When she entered the room my eyes lit up, there was a captivation when she spoke to me, I was in awe of her and everything she was. Julia was tall, thin, and blonde with piercing blue eyes; being compared to her was a blessing. Was a blessing. Since she’s been gone it hurts to hear people say they’re reminded of her when they’re with me, that my responsibility and being wise beyond my years and that my long blonde hair resembles hers. It breaks my heart more and more every time I remember I’m now the oldest girl cousin in my family and that I now have nobody to look up to. For the longest time after she passed away I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, or see pictures of myself because I would somehow see her there and not me. 

I was lost for a long time and I didn’t know where to go because she wasn’t there to guide me. She was a senior in high school when she got in a car accident and left this world. She was just beginning the stage of life that I am currently in, telling me all about her college plans and goals for her future. I couldn’t wait until I could talk to her about those things. Now I’m here, filling out my applications, updating my resume, and planning the next phase of my life without her. My life for the past three and a half years has been a 2-way mirror, I look into it and my cousin stares back at me. That idea used to haunt me, now I know after going through such a tragic loss that though she wasn’t physically here, she has been with me the entire time. 

Turning 16 and learning to drive is something that nearly every teenager can’t wait to experience. I was that way once. After Julia’s accident I didn’t want to drive, I would figure out a way to make it work. Every time I got in the car whether I was the one driving or I was in the car with a friend my heart would drop. The thoughts of me being next to get into an accident crept inside my mind and would never leave. I drive safely, I never drink or get in the car with anyone who’s been drinking. I live by the book, I live by society’s standards because I’m terrified of what could happen if I don’t. As I get behind the wheel I pray that I can get to my destination safely and I wish there was something I could’ve done to protect her.

All I want to do now to honor her is to do what I can to keep other teen drivers safe, nobody deserves to go through the pain that my family went through when we lost Julia. Driving is not an easy task when you’re not used to it, there are so many different things to focus on at the same time and so much responsibility that some people may not be able to handle at 16 years old. My cousin chose to be an organ donor; even with the loss of her life and absence of her physical presence she continued to provide for others and make the world a better place. Julia saved six lives across the New England area with her organs and my family continues to see support even three years later. 

As a teenager in the modern world and as someone who has experienced a tragic loss due to unsafe driving I plan to do what I can to encourage safe driving in other teenagers around the world. Pulling out your phone to check one text message is something that can wait, blasting the radio is something you can do in your bedroom, getting the call that someone you love has been in an accident is something that nobody should have to experience. I still remember to this day the words that were said in my call. Driving under the influence kills, don’t just drive safely for yourself, drive safely for those who are in the lane next to you, or the light across from you. Drive safely so that teens around the world can make it to their own high school graduation because my cousin never had that opportunity.