Living Life in the Slow Lane

Driving is where hypocrisy comes out of the shadows. I know that all people who misbehave behind the wheel aren’t bad people, but there’s something about the road that can turn humans into war machines and sociopaths. I saw on the local news just this morning that, according to studies, traffic disputes resulted in more than 500 shooting incidents last year. Of those, 141 yielded fatalities. The National Traffic Safety Administration reports additional horrifying statistics: 291,000 injuries and 10,000 deaths occur due to drunk driving accidents annually.

I realize these are extreme examples of what can happen when drivers are unsafe, irresponsible, and combative; however, it’s a mistake to look at the statistics and say, “I would never do that.” I reckon that few got their license planning for it to turn them into perpetrators of voluntary or involuntary manslaughter. I also think it’s highly likely that most drunk drivers involved in fatal accidents had driven drunk before, and most importantly, I’m sure there were breakdowns in respect for the laws of the road long before these tragic outcomes.

I see the breakdown with almost everyone I know. My mom, who has been an addictions therapist my whole life and began educating me about the importance of sober driving and never getting in the car with another drunk driver, somehow failed to get the message that phones are just as distracting and dangerous as a few drinks; she has sometimes needed to have her phone ripped out of her hand while she’s driving. My dad, who first taught me about ethics and community, has road rage in traffic, weaving from lane to lane, alternately slamming the brakes and the gas, sometimes yelling at drivers’ stupid traffic mistakes from his open window. My grandma, who follows every rule in existence, seems to think speed limits are gentle suggestions.

I spent my childhood scared every time I was in the car, but I never knew why until I began behind-the-wheel driver education. Automotive transportation is such a foregone conclusion in the US that I don’t think I ever considered what a deadly weapon a car be.

My driver education initially caused some stress in my family. My parents temporarily resisted my “helpful feedback” about focus and patience. My mom defended her need to get things done when I told her about the 3500 yearly deaths in the US due to distracted driving. My dad balked when I told him my driving instructor shared that a seven-year study revealed that 218 murders and more than 11,000 injuries were attributed to road rage incidents. My grandma, who literally never has to be anywhere in a hurry, told me her New England roots forced her lead-foot on the gas and scoffed at the statistic of 12000 speeding deaths in 2020 – when fewer cars than ever were on the road due to the COVID shutdown!

All this new information got me thinking about how we celebrate multi-tasking and get set up to believe we must hurry even when there is no need. I thought about how video games and movies set me up to treat traffic like enemies to destroy (even though traffic is made up of people like me, trying to get from one place to another). I decided to be a force for good on the road, and to keep swimming upstream with my family to encourage change.

I started to see some subtle differences in the ways my kin drove. My mom told me one day that I had inspired her to put her phone in the back seat during drives, so that she wouldn’t text during her commutes. My dad started saying a mantra in traffic, thanking the bad drivers for a “spiritual growth opportunity” every time they did something stupid that got in his way (he got a lot of great spiritual growth opportunities too). My grandma, well, I’m still working on her. But the rest of my family is, too, so I’m hopeful we can make a dent someday.

For my part, I made some promises to myself when I got my license. These weren’t difficult. My role models had instilled in me how important it was to value these things and demonstrated how not to!

1. Put my phone away for the drive. Turn off the alerts and keep the phone out of reach until I’m parked.

2. Leave on time so that I don’t have to blame others for getting in my way and making me later than I already am because of my poor planning.

3. Follow the signs. It’s easy! They’re there to tell me what’s coming up on the road, how fast/slow to go, and what direction to head.

4. Choose kindness! There’s so much cruelty in the world–why not just add one drop of patience and compassion in a sea of people?

How do I encourage others to practice safe driving? Well, I’m not fooling myself. I’m an 18 year-old kid that no one listens to. Still, a good beginning is doing the right thing and letting loved ones know when I think they aren’t. The more of us who join in, the safer the world and the road might be.